Sick

I've been sick the last two days. My head hurts, I've had fever (I'm still warm), and I've had absolutely no energy. My throat hurts a little now. I don't think it's the swine flu, because I haven't been that bad, but it's annoying.I missed two days of school, but that's ok.

The Muse concert was fantastic!

I ate way to much yesterday. I don't even know how many calories, but I think it was about 900. Crap. Well, this day has been a lot better. I ate a small crisp bread for breakfast, and two cherry tomatoes. I had oatmeal porridge for lunch, and a clementine between lunch and dinner. I ate a chicken and some vegetables for dinner. That's about 450 calories.

I broke a nail two hours ago :( I kind of like my nails, and they are usually one of the very few parts of myself that I don't hate.
Look:


It looks horrible, and it's going to take weeks for it to grow out again. It is so weird to touch things now, because my fingertip (parts of it at least) is usually protected by my nail. My finger looks short and fat now. I didn't remove my old nail polish, so that's why my nail has two colours in the picture.

Very boring update

My life is boring. It's just the same every day. I have a ton of homework right now, but I'm not motivated to work.

A friend of mine told me I'm bony. I'm not, but it was nice of her to tell me so.

My friends are still talking about my anorexic friend. I have to eat at school, or they will suspect that I'm anorexic too.

I've bought a nice big and warm jacket so that I won't freeze this winter. I've bought warm shoes too.

I'm looking forward to the Muse concert this Sunday!

I weighted about 44 kg (97 lbs) this morning, but I will probably gain some weight again. I wish it was easier to lose, I've been stuck at 45 (99.2) for a long time. Whenever I lose some, I always gain it back the next days.

I want to post some pictures of myself, but I'm afraid that somebody will find them (yeah, not very likely, I know).

I hate the fat on my hips and my tummy.

I'm sorry that this post is boring, but I didn't know what to write.

Stay strong <3

Am I good or bad?

Definitely bad at restricting. I ate 45g of KitKat. So the total intake of calories today is about 780. Yuck. I cannot have more than 500 tomorrow.
And I don't understand how I can be this fat, even though I weigh 45kg. I know people who weigh much more than me, but they are still much thinner. My BMI (17.4) puts me in the category "underweight", but hello, I'm nothing near thin.

I love this song, but at the same time it makes me depressed. But it's still beautiful.


I'm a bit depressed now, so I think I should go to bed. I cannot eat anything more, so my bed is the only safe place. Maybe I could get some sleep tonight, I haven't slept much the last week, and I'm soo tired right now. I have a feeling that I would start to cry as soon as I go to bed, though. Aw, but I probably feel a lot better tomorrow :)

Control

I haven't really wanted any food the last days. I've been hungry, but I haven't needed to "fight" against the urge to eat. Been at around 500 calories a day. I've even had my period this week, and I usually eat lots of food then. Well, I like this much better! I haven't been able to weight myself, though. The scale is in the other bathroom, and I want to weight myself naked in the morning before I eat anything, but it would only seem very suspicious if I did, because I have a small bathroom myself (without a scale)... Sounds weird, I know.

I keep track of everything I eat in excel, so now I can go back and see what I ate 20 weeks ago. Wow, some days have been really terrible, haha. I think it's a great way to control your intake, because you get so very attentive to what you eat, and I want my weeks to look good. You should try if you don't do something similar :)

Two great days

The two last days have been almost perfect when it comes to food! I've eaten less than 500 calories both days, and it makes me very happy. I feel like I have so much energy!
The weekend wasn't too bad either. My sister ate way more than me, I only had a very small piece of cake to show people that I'm perfectly normal. It's nothing wrong with not wanting to eat big amounds of unhealthy food, but some people seems to think so.
My friends talked about this friend of mine who might be anorectic, and they all thought it was so wierd that she only eats superhealthy food. They however, eat unhealthy food every day. Well, they still think I'm normal, I think... I hope so. It's always awkward when they talk about her eating habits, and I've had to lie to them about what I eat. They don't need to know that i eat "too little".

Love you all <3

555

Yup, that's the amount of calories I've consumed today. Not too bad.

I think that a friend of mine has an ED, because I haven't seen her eating at school for a very long time (and she used to eat at school before). I know she's jogging several times a week, and that she only eat healthy food. She's pretty thin too. It was two other friends of mine who made me think of it. Well, it seems like they don't think that I've got an ED, and that's perfect! I hate it when we start to talk about eating and stuff, because I have to be so very careful to not reveal anything.

I have to go to a family birthday this weekend. Cake, ice cream, much food and snacks is always a part of those family birthdays. My goal is to eat less than my sister (she's thin!), and keep it to an absolute minimum.

Yay, I feel very motivated to lose weight right now.

Back from holiday

I'm back from my holiday. It was lovely, the weather was mostly fine and I had loads of fun. I had to eat though, because I was with my family and a friend, and they would have reacted if I didn't eat. It sucks, but I will hopefully be able to loose whatever I have gained.

My knee is better, I can walk a little now (without crutches), but I'm not allowed to e.g. walk around at a shopping center for hours. I cannot walk to school either, even though it only (normally) takes me 15 minutes. Well, I'm at least getting better! And this injury is the perfect excuse for not drinking! Don't misunderstand me, I actually really like drinking and getting drunk, but it's way too many calories in alcohol, and as I have to be very careful when I walk so I cannot drink. This is a perfect excuse not to go to the parties I don't want to, too. Yay. I bought a new dress, and it's really lovely, but it's a tight fit so I it would be nice to loose some fat before I use it.

I really look like a fat cow now. I feel soo fat! I need to be skinny, I need to feel better. I don't deserve to eat. I want to be really skinny to my 18th birthday in the end of November. That's my goal right now. And after that is Christmas... I don't like Christmas. It's way too stressful, the food is fatty, there are sweets everywhere, and I have to eat dinner with my family all the time. I love that I'm always so optimistic *irony*.

Anonymous: Sorry for at jeg svarer så sent ^^; Så kult! Har du ståplass? Jeg har ikke det dessverre, men det er tross alt bedre å se dem live enn å gå glipp av det! Ja, den nye CDen eier. Du har også et problematisk forhold til mat (antar det siden du er her)? Du må gjerne sende med mail hvis du har behov for å snakke (tynnhet æt hotmail dot com), det hadde vært hyggelig med en norsk å snakke med (lag gjerne en anonym adresse ^^). :)